Guest Post
by author Rayne Hall
Do you find yourself constantly TELLING
the reader what your character feels/felt, thinks/thought,
wonders/contemplated, realizes/realized, considers/pondered, or understands/understood
instead of showing them?
Then your manuscript desperately needs the "Slimming Diet"!
Showing
vs. Telling
If the
point of view is established, you can SHOW the thoughts and feelings without TELLING
the reader. This will make your writing tighter and the pace faster. It’s also
considered deeper POV. Primarily, you want to strive to “SHOW” the reader the character’s emotions, not “TELL” them the specific emotion that the character is feeling. “TELLING” tends to be a more distant POV, which separates the reader from the story and the character’s reactions.
The words
listed above are considered TELLING
words that are vastly overused in fiction.
These words are considered BIG no-no’s in the publishing industry. And most importantly, these words
can red flag a writer as an amateur, and in most cases, they should be removed.
In some occurrences,
you can use an alternative word, or revise the sentence into SHOWING instead of
telling. Obviously, you can’t delete or change all of your sentences, but do
your best to edit out most of them and tighten your prose.
Once you become aware of these “TELLING”
words, you can avoid using them and strengthen your narrative. In other words, trim the fat!
You can use this
simple revision trick to slim down your manuscript, and shed unwanted pounds words without
affecting the plot. It will help correct most pacing problems, improve your individual
voice, and pull readers
further into the story without author intrusion.
Use this handy technique to revise your sentences into SHOWING instead
of telling.
Below are some examples of sentences before and after the
slimming diet.
Examples:
Obese (wording):
She realised that
she was trapped.
Slim (wording):
She was trapped.
Obese:
He understood that
Simon was a traitor.
Slim:
Simon was a
traitor.
Obese:
He felt a chill run
through him.
Slim:
A chill ran through
him.
Obese:
She became aware of
a feeling of sadness that swept through her.
Slim:
Sadness swept through
her.
Obese:
She wondered if she
would ever get out.
Slim:
Would she ever get
out?
Obese:
She pondered the
situation. How could she free herself?
Slim:
She must find a way
to free herself.
Obese:
While thinking to himself,
he pondered the difficult situation he was now in, and wondered how he could
possibly rescue her.
Slim:
He
would rescue Jessica. Or die trying.
Most times, using “TELLING”
words is unnecessary and they will slow the pace. Make your
sentences more powerful and vital by eliminating (slimming) these offenders
from your narrative. (Avoid author intrusion, which
reminds the reader that the protagonist is the one experiencing the adventure, and
not the reader.)
Once the
POV is established, there's no excuse. Slim down your manuscript, and kill the wondering and pondering.
About Rayne Hall
Rayne
Hall has published more than thirty books under various pen names, and has stories
written in different genres, including fantasy, horror, and non-fiction. Her fiction
titles include Storm Dancer (dark epic fantasy novel), Six Historical
Tales Vol 1, Six Scary Tales Volume 1, 2 and 3 (mild horror stories), and
nonfiction titles: Writing Fight Scenes and Writing Scary Scenes.
She
holds a college degree in publishing management and a master’s degree in
creative writing. Currently, she edits for the Ten Tales series of multi-author
short story anthologies.
Her online
classes for writers are intense, with plenty of personal feedback, and they are
suitable for both intermediate and advanced authors.
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